Life goes on

Iam a Radiation Oncologist(Postgraduate trainee) by profession and I come across many heart aching incidents day in and day out. But this incident particularly had a deep effect on me and made me think over and over again. 

  There was this lady with stage 4 breast cancer (cancer had already spread to brain) diagnosed in my Institute. The lady came for opinion and was waiting outside our OPD for her turn. But suddenly she collapsed which is common for brain metastasis patient. I was busy inside attending other patients and when I heard the commotion outside because of crowd gathering I came out and got to know about the entire incident from the lady's husband.

   I went ahead to discuss the case with my seniors and decision for radiation to brain( short course treatment to relieve the symptoms caused by high intracranial pressure) was taken after which the lady was admitted. As it was the terminal disease much couldn't be done and even with Radiotherapy maximum life expectancy was 6months though I always agree that miracles do happen. After Radiotherapy she improved and for unknown reasons she became very close to me. But I usually try to maintain a distance with patient because it really hampers my decision but in this case I couldn't do so.

   Her prognosis was explained to her husband and her only daughter and they understood without much fuss, which is actually rare and she was discharged after treatment completion with advice for regular follow-up. 

   After that due to very busy schedule I forgot about her and I thought she was lost to follow up which is common in our setup. But one fine day after more than 6 months, when I was hurrying towards OPD with some work I heard someone calling out my name from behind and turn back to see this same lady with teary eyes. I was initially so happy to see survive for more than what was expected but that lasted only few moments as she had something so devastating to tell.

    Few days after her treatment when went home her husband met with an accident that took his life. And due this reason she couldn't come for her regular check because everything changed with her husband's death, as there was no to take of her and her daughter. Also we need not speak of the financial crisis that was created duet the sudden death. Initially when she was diagnosed with the stage 4 cancer little she wanted to live because for her suffering but her husband's demise that changed. With teary eyes she pleading me to do something to increase her survival because she now wanted to live not for herself but for her daughter. I can't explain how helpless I felt for the first time in my life as there was nothing I could do but only give her comforting words. Nothing has proved till date that can increase the survival of stage 4 cancer patients. After a brief moment the lady bid me goodbye as I stood there helpless and confused thinking what will happen next. Who is going to take responsibility of the little girl and many more difficult questions. 

   It has been now more than 3 months I haven't seen her and her daughter. I really don't know what to expect now but I wish she is alive because life will go on no matter whatever happens to us.